cherry bomb

original title, I know.
my good mood did not last for more than that one day.  last night I couldn't sleep and I didn't manage to get to sleep until 6a.  I was supposed to wake up at 10a to shower and go to the airport to pick up my mother but I could not get out of bed.  I was waaay too tired.  I slept until 1p and I've done pretty much nothing since. 

I feel like shit, seriously.  I haven't felt like getting out of bed for like, two weeks, maybe longer.  I'm completely miserable and ridiculously lonely and I don't know what to do about it.  I want to just pack up all my stuff and leave without telling anybody.  I hate my job more than words can express.  nobody really understands how miserable it is for me to go to work because they don't work there and just trying to explain it doesn't seem to work.  I've been looking and looking and I can't find another job.  nowhere will hire me because I don't have any experience with anything other than cleaning buses.  ):  I hate going to my Math class because I'm failing and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to do any better.  as if that doesn't completely suck, I had only two friends in my Math class and I'm pretty sure both of them dropped the class.  I have nobody to talk to or hang out with at break.  I feel completely alone.  ):  I hate being at home because I haven't really talked to or seen any of my friends in weeks and anyone I do talk to doesn't seem to want to talk to me.  I can't go anywhere because I have no money, no way of getting there, nowhere to go, no one to go with.  ):  I'm so miserable and I don't know what to do about it and I can't continue to live like this because it's gotten to the point where I don't get out of my pajamas, don't feel like dressing up or looking pretty, don't want to get out of bed, can't sleep, oversleep.  I'm either not hungry at all or waaay too hungry.  this has honestly all gotten to be waay too much and I don't know what to do.  I can't talk to anyone about this because I have nobody to talk to.  I just don't want to continue living like this. 

I have this sudden urge to clean my room and rearrange the way I'm living.  I think I really want to clean off my top bunk and start sleeping up there again.  and I think I'm gonna turn the bottom bunk back into a couch.  I think that this is a change (along with a clean room) that I kind of need right now, despite the fact that it's a small change.  I think I'm gonna do it.  (: