the curse of curves

I thought that this song title was rather fitting because I was on the bus today and the guy sitting across from me was blatantly staring at my boobs. then, a very broad-shouldered guy sat down next to me, squishing my boobs up and out even further, causing the guy across from me to stare even more. hence, the curse of curves.

this entry is gonna be rather boring, actually. I've had an alright couple of days but I'm still feeling pretty down. ): today, I wrote my Social Part A Final, and that went alright I suppose. I don't think I did exceptionally well, but I'm sure I didn't do horribly. it's also very reassuring to know that I only need a 7% on my final to pass the course, so I'm not extremely worried. I'd like to do well though.

after the exam, Shona, Shannon, Jolene and I went to Subway for lunch. I put $20 on my Subway card because I know I'll need it eventually. lunch was quite good. we sat in Subway for almost two hours, and we just chatted and whatnot. it was really carefree and nice. afterwards, we all went downtown and took our trains. I got home at almost 3p and I've been in sort of a bad mood since I got home though.

Mum kept asking me over and over if I was alright, because I'd "looked sad all day" and truthfully, I've been on the verge of tears since about 5:30p for no particular reason. I've been really restless all day and at 5:30 when nobody was even awake and I was hungry and lonely, I just went into a mental shutdown. at 7p, Mum yelled at me because I was "harassing my brother" and it was just more than I could deal with. I almost started bawling right then and there. they left to pick up supper and while I ate supper, she must've asked me about eighty times if I was alright.
then, we went to the car wash, to get gas and then to Tim Hortons and I was silent the entire ride. she asked me to sew a button onto her coat for her and I almost started crying in frustration because the needle wouldn't thread. afterwards, she came and sat down and asked me again if I was alright. I wasn't; I'm still not. we didn't have time to talk about it though and I just can't even begin to say how I've been feeling for the last three months. I keep telling myself that if I just manage to make it through til I leave for University, I'll be fine, but it gets harder and harder everyday. then, the days that I actually feel well enough to open up about how I've been feeling, she doesn't have the time or she's not in the mood to deal with it. it's too much, I understand. I don't even know what I'd say. there's too much to say. it's hard to gather all my thoughts together and not tell her too much or not enough. it's just too fucking complicated for me to tell her.

gosh. I kind of feel better now that I've written some of this down. I hope it lasts a little longer. I think I'm going to watch a movie and go to bed. I don't feel the best right now.

goodnight, dear ones.
keep updated. (:

- tannikka <3