mama, I'm coming home

I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!
I hate him a thousand times over. augh. I'm so fucking mad at him. why do I always believe him? why am I so stupid? this is my fault, really. I should've been much smarter about this, but I wasn't, and I always put myself into situations where I'm vulnerable and can easily get hurt. fuck him. I'm so fucking mad at him. he can suck it. urgh. and now all I can think about is him, bcuz I know that he's not thinking of me as well, and that he was lying when he said all of those things. and I know that he doesn't love me, and most probably never did. I also know that this is most definitely my fault, bcuz not only did I set myself up for hurt, but I also didn't make a bigger effort to hang out with and be with him. but it's also bcuz he's stupid as fuck. he didn't tell me when he wanted to hang out, until like half an hour before he wanted to hang out. he'd be like, "you wanna come hang right now?" well quite obviously not, being as I didn't know, and have other things to do. geeez. I always do this to myself. I always believe everything he says, and then he always hurts me. I let him hurt me. from now on, I'm gonna be strong, and I'm not gonna answer his texts or IMs. and if he calls, I'm gonna say that I've got to go, right away. I know that he won't for these next couple of weeks (months, even?), and that's okay, cuz I don't want to talk to him right now. he'll say that he wants to be friends (best friends, even!), and then as soon as a new girlfriend comes along, he ignores me til they hit the rocks. and then, once they've broken up and he's vulnerable, he reopens the wound, and comes crawling back. he'll tell me that he loves me, and that he misses me, but the truth is that he needs company and attention 24/7, and he knows that he can always find company and attention in me and my friendship. it's fucking pathetic. on both of our parts. :/ fuck fuck fuck. I need to get my head together and stop bitching about this. I'm pathetic. :(

also, found this amazing quote in someone's gURL sig, and thought it fitting for my situation. :)
here it is:
"you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together,justifying what could've, should've, would've happened or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."

fuck me, any way you'd like to. I have no willpower. :(
he just sent me an IM. "hey babe" I wasn't gonna reply, but I did, cuz like I said, I have no willpower. :( I did, however, maintain some of the FUCK HIM composure that I had earlier. I (kindly, I thought) asked him not to call me "babe" or anything like that anymore, as he has a girlfriend, and it'd be wayy uncool of me to allow him to call me anything like that. I suppose that that shows some willpower, but not enough, and now I just wanna bawl, cuz I haven't allowed myself to cry about this at all today. but now, I just wanna cry and cry, but it feels like I've cried all the tears I have to cry over him.

anyways.
I'm done for today.
goodnight my darling readers. ♥
keep updated, and hopefully I'll stop whining.
:)