somebody's baby

I didn't want to go to school this morning.
I only got about three & a half hours of sleep last night, which isn't nearly enough, considering last week I was seriously sleep-deprived all week. I managed to go to school & live though, so I suppose that it wasn't too bad.
I don't know why I couldn't stay asleep.
I fell asleep at about 1:45 a, & woke up again at 2:30 a thinking that it was time to get ready for school. as I was getting ready, I realized that it was only 2:30 a, so I put my pjs back on & climbed back into bed. at 3:30 a, I woke up thinking the same thing. except this time, I grabbed my laptop & plugged it in. before I could turn it on, I realized what time it was, & just shut it & went back to sleep. I also woke up at about 5 a, but quickly went back to sleep. finally, at 6 a, I got up & got ready for school. mum didn't get up til about 6:30 a, so I just turned on my computer & tried to get my movies to download some more. they didn't, though.

at school, I didn't do much.
I got yelled at like twenty-five times for not having my tie done up all the way, which was ridiculously stupid. he got all up in my face, like it was a scene from The Outsiders or something & he wanted to rumble. soo stupid. so I finally just gave in & did my tie up for the rest of the day. it was extremely annoying though.
in art, we're working with leather, so I decided that I'm going to make a leather outfit for a male doll (much like a Ken doll). it's going to consist of leather chaps with tassles down the sides of the legs, a leather V-neck vest, & a leather jacket with tassles down the sleeves. it's incredibly Gay-Biker-Bar-Chic. I love it.
& I had a sectional during lunch, & then band right after lunch. & during sectionals, Jamie pretended that his flute wasn't working, & Remy was wandering around aimlessly, so I got into a ton of trouble for "not being on task". although I actually was, my section just didn't like me today apparently. & then in band, I got yelled every ten minutes bcuz my section sounds like shit, cuz Jamie never comes to school, & when he does, he sounds awful & drags us down. I can't stand it. I'm sick of getting in trouble every class for his stupidity. it's ridiculous, & I wanted to knock him in the teeth today. my self-control was obviously pretty great though, cuz I didn't.

the bus ride home was fairly brutal.
Lex took our bus, so it was Sharon, Lex & I, & we discussed N & Buddhism. once Lex got off the bus, Sharon & I quietly chatted about life, & whatnot. it was hot on the bus, & we had to switch buses at the loop, cuz the 4 p bus always becomes off.

the weather outside today was quite lovely, actually.
it was warm enough for just a sweater, & that includes this evening.
I had brought my coat bcuz this morning was a bit chilly, but tomorrow morning I think I'll just bring a sweater & be content with that. I haven't fully decided which sweater yet, though, but I'm thinking maybe the peacock blue one.

Dick & I made heart-shaped brownies this evening.
they're currently cooling, & hopefully they're a success.
it was my first attempt at making brownies into any shape other than a blob, & I'm really hoping that they turn out well bcuz I would love it if they did.

I can't determine how I feel today.
I don't really want to be around people. at all.
yet I crave affection from another person & I want to talk to someone & hang out. I don't know whom. it could be anyone, really. I don't think I care. I just need attention. :/ I don't even like attention.

I'm still kinda mad at the ex.
I still have feelings for him as well, but I'm more mad at him than anything else.

I'm stressing about grad.
it's only three months away.
I don't have a date. I don't want to graduate. I'm nervous about my hair color. the list goes on. graduating just seems to be more of a pain than it's worth, y'know?

well, I guess I should wrap this up.
I'll update you later.
keep updated, & goodnight my dears. :)