remembering sunday

I don't much feel like writing about the past few days.
I'll just tell you the important parts, I suppose.

anyways.
K thinks I'm depressed.
I think I might be getting there, & I think that out of all of my family members, I should've guessed that he'd be the one to figure it out first. my family can sometimes be very clueless.

I couldn't tell you how I feel.
truthfully, I don't even know.
I'm exhausted, even though I've slept a fair bit since Spring Break started. I'm craving attention, & affection. I just want to be around people, & I just want someone to hold me. I want to cuddle. lmao. I sound ridiculous. normally I hate cuddling & being around people. whatever. I guess that's just how it goes.

on tuesday, I woke to a text from him saying, "I want you!", which caused some confusion on my part, cuz I didn't know if that meant that he likes me, or what he meant, so I just played the fool & pretended I had no clue what he was talking about.

on wednesday, I woke to a text saying, "how's my favorite girl?" & I was like, awwwe.
but then the conversation turned into him asking if he could have one of my bras. I was like, NO. he got all pissy & didn't really talk to me much after a ton of begging & me being unresponsive. whatever.

I started bawling in the truck on wednesday after supper.
we'd gone out to Moxie's for mum's birthday.
supper was fine, I ate my entire meal without complaints, & I was in a generally happy mood. in the truck, we were joking that Dick & I should switch grades for a while. he said that I shouldn't count on graduating, then, & I said that I'd just make sure he failed again. mum got all pissy, thinking that I was being serious, but I was only kidding, & I honestly hadn't meant for it to be rude. R was giving me a look in the rearview mirror, & I just started bawling my eyes out.

the ex has been talking to me a lot more lately.
apparently him & his ex broke up, but I dunno. they "break up" a lot.
he posted some really adorable things in his blog, & I was like, awwwe, I wish that those were about me. I didn't say that to him though, cuz that'd be catastrophic & confusing. that &, I don't know how I feel about him. agh. I hate him sometimes. lol. except that we all know that I don't. :/

I'm thinking about asking Patrick to be my grad date.
I haven't decided yet, though. I think I might wait until mid - April before I actually ask him. I'm a bit nervous about it (about grad itself, not asking him), but I think it'll be fine, cuz he's my best friend & whatnot.

anyways.
I'm tired, & I'm sure I'll feel more into updating this tomorrow or the next day.

keep updated,
& goodnight dears ♥