all these things that I've done

I'm having major trouble starting this blog entry. :/
I don't know why. I guess I'm having writers' block or something.

today.
so, I had jazz first thing this morning.
jazz went alright, although very dull. I mean, it could've gone worse, but it could've been more interesting at the same time, y'know?
I had chem after jazz. what a way to start a morning, I tell you. chem wasn't bad either. it was boring, & we had a "warmup" quiz for the first forty-five minutes. I did pretty well on the warmup quiz though. I got eight out of fifteen. I thought that that was pretty good, bcuz I totally suck at chem. we didn't really do much of anything else afterward.
in art, I worked on my backpack a little bit more. Sonja helped me with it, & it's coming along really fabulously. :) I'm pretty enthused about this whole thing. I think that it could turn out really well. :)
I had a sectional at lunch, but the sectional turned into Sharon & I playing the Taruya & attempting to sound in tune with each other. lol. Jamie went home at some point btw chem & lunchtime I suppose, bcuz he wasn't at sectionals, & he didn't go to any afternoon classes. I can't say that I wasn't thankful. we sound so much better when he's not there. seriously. I hope that he doesn't come to festival (even though I know that he will) bcuz we sound soo soo much better when he's not there, & we're gonna totally bomb at festival if he's there. he doesn't practice his part, & he sounds like awful. I cannot stand him.

so, last night.
I was on facebook, totally minding my own business.
then, Lee (Jamie's super annoying older brother) comes onto facebook & sends me a msg. the (very short) conversation goes as follows:
Lee: fatty
me: that's a pretty rude thing to say, dontcha think?
Lee: not really
it's just a word
me: words have meaning, & you'd know that if you had finished high school.
then he deleted & blocked me on facebook. I was like, way to be mature. seriously. it was so stupid & pointless, & he wasn't even man enough to say that to my face. the next time I see him, I'll be very surprised if I don't punch him in the face. I cannot stand him either. mind you, I dislike Lee more than I dislike Jamie. Jamie's at least tolerable. Lee's stupid & ignorant. that whole family annoys me.

Lulu has to go to the dr this weekend. :/
I dunno what's wrong with her. I tried to fix whatever the problem was, but I can't seem to figure it out. a few of her strings aren't working properly, & the first notes of the fret don't work at all. some of the notes on the fret just buzz, & don't actually play notes, & she sounds really, really out of tune. :/ so, this weekend, Lulu's going to the dr, & hopefully I'll have her back by monday. I would definitely love to have her back before next monday, as I really don't want to take the school bass to festival / jazz performance with me. I don't like the school bass, & compared to Lulu, well, there really isn't a comparison. Lulu's so much better.

ugghh. my face is breaking out hardcore.
I'm pretty sure that it's from the lack of sleep & increase in stress & whatnot, but seriously. my face had almost completely cleared up. :/ I was looking soo good again! not fairrr.

Dick & I painted this evening.
I painted my tiki hut piggy bank, & he painted some knick knack box that he bought a few weeks ago. it was an alright time. mostly I just made fun of him.

I'm soo bored !
I'm so bored that not even gURL is keeping me amused. I'm so bored that not even painting could keep me entertained for more than a half an hour. I'm so bored that I just wanna cry in frustration. it's absolutely ridiculous, & I just wish that I could find something to fill my time with. :/ life is so boring.

so, the ex's current girlfriend moved away.
I don't know how I feel about this. I mean, yes, I do still have feelings for him. I want him to be happy, & I don't think that I want to be with him. I want things to go back to the way that they used to be. I want that "new relationship feel". I'm sure that none of this is actually making sense to anyone, but I have to say it anyway. I don't know if I want to be with him, or if I just want the comfortability that I had in our relationship. I could tell him anything. we were like best friends. I guess, that's all I want out of a relationship. happiness, comfortability, & a best friend. I think I want a new relationship, though. I don't think that I want to be with the ex. I just miss the thought of him. lol. I'm pretty sure that none of that makes sense. I just need to vent about this, cuz I actually haven't let out any of my true feelings about this stuff to anyone. I miss him. I miss kissing him. I miss being with him & laughing with him. I miss the summer. I miss the memories. I don't want to be with him. he's still immature, & still all about sex. I don't want the same things he does. I'm worried that he doesn't have a future in anything but what he's currently doing (some crappy job fillilng vending machines or something), & I can't be with someone who doesn't have life goals & ambitions. I can't pretend that it doesn't bother me that he doesn't have any future plans or any goals. I can't pretend that his stupidity doesn't bother me. I can't pretend that I'm not stupid, either. that's not all of how I feel, but that's some of it, & just getting that some of it out, makes me feel tons better. :)

I want a new boyfriend.
I don't know who I want to date. well, that's not true. I sort of know who I wanna date. F is pretty cute. I see him looking at me sometimes, but I'm sure I'm mistaking those looks for looks of curiosity over the fact that I am ridiculously weird. he's got a girlfriend though. she's really pretty & really, really thin. I don't even compare, I'll be honest. I wish that I could compare, though. he's so cute, & he seems like a really nice guy.
I also wouldn't mind if HM P asked me out. seriously. I've had this massive crush on him since like, last June. & he liked me then, too, but I was dating the ex at the time, & I didn't want to risk things. I was stupid, clearly. & he's back at Central, & I saw him the other day while I was in the hall. I didn't know how to react. I'm sure I looked like a total fool, standing in the middle of the hallway with my mouth gaping open. what an idiot I am. seriously. that's no way to impress guys. especially guys that I like. I'm not very good at this whole "high school dating" thing. I'm incredibly socially awkward. lol. it's quite unfortunate.

on another note.
I'm incredibly tired, & hopefully tomorrow will be a good day.
goodnight my dears, & keep updated. :)