kiss my sass

so, I went shopping with my mother today.
I got a cute new purple striped sweater, & a sunshine yellow purse with giant buttons. so cute. :) then mum bought me a new tube top, & it's got a sequined panel, & the rest is satin. so cute as well. :)

I saw some people that I knew at the mall, but thankfully they didn't see me. they're not exactly people that I'd like to run into, y'know? :/ ugh. people suck sometimes.

so, I think that things are totally done with him.
I doubt it, but it's a nice thought, isn't it? :)
he hasn't really texted me since tuesday, & I'm sick of waiting & wondering. I think I'm just gonna give up. like I said, I like to flirt with him, but I doubt that it could ever be anything serious. I never really thought that it could. I guess it was pretty fun while it lasted, although at times it was sorta awkward. I didn't really want anything to come of it, cuz I can't picture myself dating him, & that seems to be one of the defining points of any potential relationship. I sound crazy, I know. honestly though. I talked to Remy about it, & Remy thinks that it's probably best that nothing comes from this. she said that he acts this way with pretty much any girl that'll act the same back. I guess I was it, lol. ah well. :) nothing lost.

I had honor band this evening.
it's three intensive evenings of straight practice, & then a final concert. not really the best way to spend one's evenings, but it's not bad at the same time. so today's practice was the first practice. my section is soo uptight & unfriendly. & they all look pretty much the same. out of like, twelve of us, only three of us aren't blonde. I am a brunette, the girl who sat beside me this evening was a brunette, & there was an asian guy. other than that, the entire section is made up of blonde haired girls who are built like pre-pubescent boys, & wear no makeup. some of them are pretty, but the section is just not the greatest.
the music's pretty good, though.
it sounds amazing once it's all pulled together, & the band sounds really amazing. I could hardly even believe it. they're just that good. :)

so, I'm thinking about getting back together with the ex.
we've been talking a bit about it lately, & I think that it could work if we work for it. he says that he wants it to work, & I want him to want it to work. I want things to be good again. I just want to be with him. I'm an idiot. I know it. but he's all that I want right now. maybe one day I'll be totally done with him, & I'll move on & everything will be okay, but right now, I'm young & I have time to mess things up & I can be in stupid relationships without it having serious repercussions. I can do pretty much whatever, cuz it's not like this is the rest of my life. I know what I'm doing, & I know that what I'm doing is stupid & risky, but I don't care. I just want to be with him again. & if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. at least we can say that we tried. & that's all that matters. :)

I have this giant zit on my chin, except it's not really a zit, it's just under the surface. & it's bright red & splotchy. it looks awful on my very pale skin. it's soo obvious & I'm very self-conscious about it, cuz I just want it to go away already! I hate zits. they're horrendous & ugly & I wish that they didn't happen. hopefully it'll be less swollen & red by tomorrow morning, cuz I hate hate hate going to school with giant, splotchy red zits on my face. :/ it's just so unattractive, & everyone notices, & I have cute boys in some of my classes. life sucks sometimes. :(

my headaches aren't really showing any sign of subduing, which isn't good. my head is still killing me, & I wish that the pain would just go away already. :( I hurt so much. thankfully though, my period has stopped. having my period & these awful headaches was just the worst thing in the world. I felt like death.

I'm almost seventeen. :)
I have only three days. technically two, though, cuz it's almost midnight.
I'm sorta excited, except sorta not, cuz I want to stay sixteen forever. I don't really want to grow up. I think that growing up has gotta suck, & I'd like to stay sixteen & gorgeous for the rest of my life. I'd like to lose a little bit of weight first, though. lol. :)

anyways.
it's almost midnight, & I'm tired & have honor band tomorrow evening as well, so I'd better head off to bed. :) I'll try to update tomorrow evening, but there's no guarantees, cuz I'll be crazy tired. anyways. keep updated. :)