I will follow you into the dark

gosh, this song makes me really love music. it pretty much sums up how I feel. I've been listening to it on repeat for about seven hours now. it's that good.

I've been pretty up lately.
I went back to school on tuesday, and that was much-needed. although, I slept in on tuesday (til 9:30, whoops!) and I missed Jazz on wednesday (to be fair, I didn't even know I had Jazz) and then I slept in til 8:30 again today. this week's just not for me. hopefully next week will be better. classes have been boring, but I can't really expect much. this is all review for diplomas (which is kinda scaring me a lot lately) and I know I definitely need the review for Chem. I honestly doubt that I'm gonna pass. ):

I think I might be in love with him? I'm not sure. my feelings are extremely confused right now. he's been calling me every night for the last weekish just to talk for about an hour. I love it. (: he sings to me over the phone and we talk about moving in together next year. he's willing to move an entire province away with me so that I can go to University and it'll be less scary. I think that's wonderful and scary at the same time. the problem lies here: this girl that he dated a while ago popped up outta nowhere again the other day, and he thinks she might be the one. of course, I'll be happy for him as long as he's happy, but where does that leave me? stuck having to sit through an unbearable conversation about how nobody could ever compare. -.-' I think it's awesome that he's met a girl that he feels that way about, but the timing couldn't be any less perfect. lol, just my luck, right?

I'm almost eighteen. (: for my birthday (since I'll be of legal age!), we're going to Vinyl Retro, which is this awesome eighties bar that opened over the summer. I'm pretty excited. I actually can't wait to turn eighteen, to be honest. normally I really dislike birthdays, but this one seems like it's gonna be way worth it. (:

nothing blogworthy happened over the break. /: that's kind of a bummer, but also a good excuse as to why I didn't blog at all. I can't say that I've been the best blogger these past six months, but one of my New Year's Resolutions is to blog more often. that, and to lose some weight and pass Math (and Chem too, now that I think of it). I also want to be happy with myself. I always find myself thinking that I'd be perfectly happy with myself if I were just thin, but I know that's both untrue and an unhealthy viewpoint. I don't really know what it'll take to be happy with myself, but I'm gonna try this year. I think that taking a summer trip (not Australia, like I'd hoped, but maybe California?) and moving in the fall will help. being stuck here in Calgary is waaaay overrated and I've certainly moved on. time for a drastic change. (:

I'm trying to decide if I want a sternum dermal. it'll cost about $150 (maybe $300 because I want two of them), which is pretty pricey for a piece of body art, but I think they're soo cute. I can't decide if I want to brave the pain and the loss of $300, or if I want another (less painful) body mod. I've been set on a dermal for a while now, butttt, $300? lol, I'm so incredibly cheap. most of my friends think that it's a horrifying thing to do to your body (I gotta admit, watching a sternum dermal procedure almost made me pass out) but I think they're awesome and I think I want one. I have a few more months to decide. you can't get them here unless you're eighteen anyway, no exceptions.

I'm actually getting really annoyed with stupid facebook groups. like, becoming a fan of something like "popsicles" is totally reasonable. popsicles are awesome, what's not to be a fan of? but becoming a fan of something totally stupid like, "saying it's okay when you really know that it's killing you inside". really? you're a fan of that? I'm sure not. I don't like to tell somebody it's okay if it's "killing me inside". I'd rather have them know how I feel, but that's just me. clearly a lot of my friends are fans of lying to people. and some of the groups are just ridiculous, like "doing something totally stupid when you're drunk and you know you'll regret it the next day". I'm definitely not a fan of that. urghh, sorry. that's my major vent for the day. (:

my hair's getting so long. (: I'm hoping to grow it really long, but I dunno if that'll suit me. either way, I'm either gonna continue to grow it, or cut it in a cute mid-neck length bob thing with a thick blonde highlight. (: I haven't decided which I wanna do yet.

oh, before I forget, if any of you have myspace, add me! I have like, three myspace friends (not including Tom and some weird Canadian group I don't remember friending). my link is { http://www.myspace.com/xtanniikka } much appreciated! (:

I downloaded a ton of new music the other day, but I'm still looking for awesome suggestions. any recommendations? (:

and since I've got nothing more to say, I'm gonna end this entry here.
I hope everyone's Winter Break was awesome, no matter what holiday you celebrate, and have a wonderful day! (:

- tannikka <3